


It's been a year.

by banana_chocolate97



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7647754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banana_chocolate97/pseuds/banana_chocolate97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You weren't supposed to leave this early. Not you, Kouyou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's been a year.

**Author's Note:**

> In memory of my grandma who died on August 1, 2014. I love you and I miss you. 
> 
> (This was first posted on wattpad on August 1, 2015 which is why the title goes "It's been A year", just in case any of you are wondering. 
> 
> If anyone's interested, [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR6JDwZnp0s) is this OS's theme song.

He still can't believe you're gone.

 _You weren't supposed to leave so early.  
_ _Not you, Kouyou._

Today it's been a day since the accident and as Aoi opens his eyes in the morning, staring at the dark wooden ceiling of his bedroom, you're the first thing on his mind.  
  
God, time was flying.

_Loosing you made the band break apart, there was nobody able to take your place and there probably never will be._

"I miss you."  
  
Aoi's whisper fades into the thick air, eyes fixed on your side of the bed with its sheets neatly arranged and untouched. He gets up with a heavy sigh to open the window, Tokyo's hot summer hitting him with full force.  
  
The sound of clittering crickets is defeating but manages to conjure a smile on Aoi's lips.

_He remembers that you loved the sound of it, remembers how you told him it made you feel alive._  
_The crickets didn't save you though._

After a brief breakfast in ear-splitting silence and a shower, Aoi's legs lead him to the flower shop just around the corner. He emerges with a bundle of white hollyhocks and a few purple roses here and there.  
  
It takes him about two hours to reach Kanagawa and another thirty minutes to the cemetery.

_Your wish to be buried here is why Aoi lost his contact to the others._

The deep black tombstone with its dark red ornaments stands like a dunning omen amid the damp wafts of mist soaring after the brief but hefty rainstorm.  
Aoi's choking a sob, heart throbbing once his steps come to their close and his eyes flutter over the Kanjis milled into the granite.

 _Takashima_ _Kouyou_  
_*_ _June_ _9th, 1981_  
_†_ _August_ _23_ _rd_ _, 2014_

His knees are shaking while leaning down to place the flowers on the wet soil underneath a small bonsai tree.  
  
"Hey Kou."  
  
Aoi's voice is just above a whisper, gushing with sadness and a feel of loneliness.  
  
"It's been a year... but it still feels like it happened just yesterday. I... miss you so much."  
  
A dinged smile curls his finely-shaped lips, untouched ever since you left, while he walks over to the small dark green box placed on the ground next to the tombstone.  
With trembling fingers, he takes out one of the long, slender incense sticks, closing the lid again with a soft click.

_Do you know that he's began to pray, every single night since you left?_

Aoi arises again, walking back in front of the grave before sinking down to his knees and pulling out his lighter.  
  
He lights the stick up with a sob, burying the lower part in the wet soil. Thick, gray smoke climbing towards the sky in long spirals, Aoi presses his palms flat together in front of his face and in his mind he's screaming out to the heavens, begging to give you back.

 _God has enough angels, why does he have to take_ **_you_  ** ** _?_ **

His hands are quivering stronger than ever now as he's lowering them, hot tears rolling down his pale cheeks, dripping from his cupid's bow and oozing into the fabric of his black jeans.  
  
"Y-Yuu?"  
Aoi's head snaps up, almost, **almost** **,** expecting, **hoping** to see you and he recognizes these eyes and the blonde hair through the veil of tears, however, the noseband shatters his dreams.  
  
He blinks.  
  
"Kira..."  
  
Akira smiles at the man he used to know as someone strong and dominant.

_Your death broke him, Kouyou. Now he's nothing more than a shell, living only to maintain your memory._

"You're here...," Aoi breathes out, focusing on the grave again.  
  
"Of course," Akira answers. "I couldn't stand the thought of you being alone today and I knew you'd come here."  
  
He moves to sit down next to the raven.  
  
"I tried to reach Taka and Yutaka but they both said they're busy... Sorry."  
  
Aoi sniffs and shakes his head, leaning his temple against the other's shoulders, nodding weakly.  
  
"It's okay. As long as I'm not alone. But... But I'm always gonna be alone without him!"  
  
His voice broke, words turning into sobs echoing across the otherwise empty graveyard.  
  
"Hey," Akira sighed and lifted an arm to wrap it around the heartbreakingly sobbing Aoi, "hey, I'm here."  
  
The raven's body is rocked by his cries, tears streaming down his cheeks in torrents as he buries his face at the side of his friend's chest.  
  
"I miss him so much, Kira...!" he whimpered, inhaling vociferously.  
  
"I don't want to be without him, I can't!"  
  
"Shh, it's okay Aoi, I'm here, I'm here."  
  
Akira pulls him even closer.  
  
"I miss him too, believe me."  
  
The blonde turned his head to the side in order to let his lips brush over Aoi's damp, black hair, even if it was only briefly.  
  
"But you know he never would've wanted you to pine away like you... do now. He would've wanted you to move on and-"  
  
"Move on?! I can't fucking move on, he's dead, Akira! Dead!"  
  
Both men wince at Aoi's raised voice, broken and raspy.

_Look at what you did to him, Kouyou, look at him._

"I know that Yuu but you have to-"  
  
Aoi cut him short once again.  
  
"He died in my arms, Akira! How am I supposed to move on after the love of my life dies in my arms?! Huh?! Tell me!"  
  
Akira quickly embraces him in a tight hug, grimacing compassionately but it is hard holding him here in his own,trembling arms.  
  
Aoi's entire body is shaking, salty tears disappearing in the blonde's jacket and quivering fingers clutching to his shirt for dear life.  
  
"Shh, calm down," Akira's humming soothingly. "I'm sorry Yuu, I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
He makes a quick pause.  
  
"He'll always be alive as long as you remember him. And you always will, here, in your heart. He will always be a part of you."

_Don't you dare to disappoint him, Kouyou. He needs you._

Rubbing his back comfortingly, Akira waited for the trembling to ease down and the sobs to fade away, wondering how often Aoi was having these breakdowns, how often he had to endure these alone, all by his own in the darkness of his bedrom.  
  
"Come on Yuu," he whispered and slowly lifted Aoi off the ground and on his feet.  
  
"Let's get you home. I took the train so I can give you a ride. In your car."

  
Akira laughed a bit, then led his friend, who didn't say a word the entire time, back out of the cemetery and to his car. He opened the passenger door with a heartwarming smile, eyes fluttering across reddened cheeks and an equally sad smile.  
  
"Come on, get in."  
  
Aoi nodded weakly and slid on the seat, Akira got in on the other side and started the engine.  
  
The raven didn't speak during their drive but Akira didn't exactly bother, he knew Aoi was going to need a whole lot more time. But it seemed like a... **good** silence that they were sharing these two hours and when they parked in front of Aoi's apartment, the latter's smile appeared to be a little more... awake, more realistic.

Akira led him to the door then, pulling him into another embrace. "Call me if you need something, okay?" he said.  
  
Aoi looked up at him, nodding.  
  
"Okay... Thanks."  
  
The tears still leaving their mark in his voice, the black-haired smiled at the blonde and Akira knew what that what he was doing next was more than just... risky.  
  
He bridged the distance between their faces to press a gentle kiss on Aoi's cheek who winced, however, didn't pull away. His lips hovered over his skin only milliseconds before Akira leaned back himself.  
  
"I'm always here if you need someone, Aoi."  
  
The raven stared at him, eyes wide with a slightly agape mouth and even a barely visible blush on his pale cheeks.  
  
Akira recognized the moment that made words unnecessary so he just smiled again, gently, lovingly before walking off.  
  
Once he was out of sight, Aoi closed his door and released a ragged exhale.

 _You_ _wouldn't_ _be_ _mad_ _at him_ _if_ _he_ _dared_ _to_ _fall_ _in_ _love_ _again_ _,_ _would_ _you_ _,_ _Kouyou_ _?_  
  
_Surely_ _not_ _now_ _,_ _not_ _this_ _year_ _but_ _maybe_ _in_ _two_ _or three_ _?_  
  
_Would_ _that_ _be_ _okay_ _for_ _you_ _?_  
  
_Would_ _it_ _be_ _okay_ _if_ _Aoi_ _moved_ _on_ _,_ _the_ _way_ _Akira_ _wanted_ _him_ _to_ _?_  
  
_Would_ _it_ _be_ _okay_ _if_ _Aoi_ _..._ _loved_ _again_ _?_

 


End file.
